On May 13, 2021, I did not get into med, and although I cried it was a blessing in disguise. That decision has made me rethink many things, especially the question: What is my mission?
I have asked myself that same question many times. I remember writing on a computer very clearly when I left intensive care unit: God has a mission for me, and in sometime I will know what it is.
Today, 9 years after writing that (written in a bed infinitely grateful to be alive but not knowing what my life would be), I ask myself the same question.
In part, I feel as if I am disappointing that girl that said she felt her mission was to help others. I feel a bit lost, as if 9 years later, I still don’t have my mission clear or rather, I still haven’t figured out how to make that mission a reality.
I see myself giving talks about my story, publishing a book, and doing something related to healthcare. I also see myself helping people with spinal cord injuries on their rehabilitation processes.
I get stuck on ideas and don’t know how to get to them. I want to help, see people smile, and make their processes after life’s challenges a little more bearable.
The 13-year-old girl lives in me, proud to see where I am and anxious to know where I am going. She is also excited to start seeing what I accomplish and awaiting to fulfill what she thought in an ICU bed.
February 2022
After a while, I began to understand why God told me no medicine last year.
Perhaps because it’s time to focus on my dream, the dream I always put it off because I don’t have time. Because I say: “someday, I will,” but that day is not going to come unless I say when and make it happen.
Today I decided to jump into the water and live my dream, live my purpose, and live what I want to live. Today, even though I don’t see the clear path or know where I’m going, I live in the present and do what I CAN do Now.
In a book called “The War of Art,” I read that when a person gets a cancer diagnosis their life change and everything that was SO important 5 minutes ago suddenly no longer is and now other things are essential. I couldn’t relate more to that in the sense that when I got sick, everything I thought was URGENT and IMPORTANT changed in a matter of minutes. What became urgent and important was what had always been, but I was not aware of it.
In that moment, you think of that “dream life,” in that “one-day-I-will” life, with the things you’ve always wanted to do but have never done. You think of all those things you’ve said: “someday the day will come, and I will.” In a matter of minutes your ‘present’ life is no longer relevant; your ego life is no longer what it’s worth. And the question is:
Why do we wait to receive unfortunate news, to question whether the life we are living is the life we want?
What would happen if you were told that you have cancer or a severe illness? What if an unexpected event (such as a car accident) that changed your life forever occurred?
What life would you like to live before you are told that there’s a disease that has put you and that life against the wall?
Reading that book was a direct message to the heart. It was a message saying: I know that I do not want to die without fulfilling my mission; I know that I would not be happy if I died today.
But, if I’ve already seen death face to face, why do I want to risk having to fight for a third chance to say “ok, now I will live my dream”? Wasn’t fighting for a second chance enough?
Not many people get a second chance. The possibilities are few, so today, I tell myself, “Do it, no matter if you’re afraid, just do it.”
The book made me realize I have again fallen into the routine of saying: I will fulfill my dream one day. However, I cannot leave that “one day” up to fate. That one day is now.
What if I fail? It doesn’t matter, you’ll learn something, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know
Is it scary? Yes, very!
Is this getting me out of my comfort zone and making me step on places I’ve never stepped foot before? It for sure is
Am I going to let fear stop me from fulfilling my mission, from fulfilling my dream? Why am I going to let fear win on both sides? Why will I let fear win by telling me what if I fail? But also, why would I let the fear of not accomplishing my dream still be there?
God said no to things to give me the time to do the things I always postpone. Now he says: “Ok, you already have the time and, now what, are you going to keep postponing it because of fear?”
Today I decide to jump into the water to dream
Today I invite you to think: what are you not living, for being too busy living the life you are currently living?
What is that thing you say: when I have time, I want to do that?
Time doesn’t always come! Don’t risk losing it.